Understanding Driving Anxiety: Control, Emotion and Confidence

You are getting ready to leave for your destination, get into your car, and already feel that sense of uneasiness, something is bothering you. You start the engine, move off, and as you approach the first challenging bit, your heartbeat starts to race. But you have done it before; you try to reassure yourself that everything is going to be fine, that it will be safe.

As you reach the faster roads, your hands are sweating. You speed up to match the pace of the other vehicles, gripping the wheel as if it could save your life. Too many cars around you. You wish you were somewhere else, want to escape.

This is a culmination of clients’ stories, people struggling with driving anxiety, an issue more common than many would like to admit, especially because “everyone can drive.” Sadly, we don’t always consider that our driving behaviour can be an extension of our inner state, and that everyday hurdles such as a fight with a partner, the expectation of a bad day at work, a negative prediction, or even hormonal changes can be magnified exponentially once we are on the road.

My perspective as a counsellor and driving instructor is to address both the practical and emotional aspects of driving.

Anxiety and the perception of control.

From the early stages of life, our perception of control develops as an important milestone, as described by Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development. A person’s ability to predict the future is also formed in early life, shaping their attachment style and the unconscious patterns that influence how they relate to others.

As we grow older and expand our social circles, we begin to filter interactions that we perceive as adverse. We choose the friends we spend time with, the family members we stay in contact with, and how often we do so. We also choose the roles we take in our social world, such as our job, hobbies, and other responsibilities that define us. Most of the time, our sense of control and normality feels intact. When it does not, we try to make changes to restore it.

We also cultivate predictability. Since no one can truly predict the future, we base our predictions on past experiences. For example, when I get into my car in the morning, I predict that I will reach my destination safely because nothing bad has happened before. My sense of control remains steady, and my prediction feels positive.

However, situations that we perceive as uncontrollable send signals to the limbic system, particularly the amygdala, which acts as our primary detection system for threat. This can create friction with the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for logic, planning, and impulse control. In driving, these triggers might include high speeds, cars driving too close, heavy traffic, or pedestrians appearing suddenly.

When working with clients, we often explore the difference between perceived control and actual control. Perceived control involves our personal ideas, thoughts, and emotions that can stem from childhood experiences, past interactions, and the ways we have learned to manage difficult situations. These strategies might include normalising, taking opposite action, fighting back, or detaching emotionally.

Actual control, on the other hand, means learning to distinguish between real and imagined threats and developing mechanisms that restore a sense of calm and competence. For example, noticing a person approaching to cross the road and taking a moment to observe their actions, body language, and speed allows us to respond consciously and safely, rather than react impulsively.

Emotional control and self-regulation

One of the aspects I often discuss with clients is that even though driving feels like a mechanical skill, it is far more than that. Just as when we wake up in the morning and automatically follow a routine that suits us; getting dressed, having breakfast, and preparing for the day, driving also becomes a routine. For many people, it turns into an extension of themselves, something that feels natural and familiar.

This can lead to the idea that our driving is an extension of our emotions and behaviour. What makes driving different, however, is that we cannot filter the people we come into contact with. We cannot simply stop and take a moment to think. It can feel impossible to regulate our emotions while moving, whereas in daily life we might ground ourselves with a hot drink, talk to a friend, or take a break. Driving can feel like a different way of living, one that can easily slip out of our control.

The factors that contribute to this experience are unique to each person, but the symptoms are often similar. Blood pressure rises, vision narrows, adrenaline increases, and the body prepares for an impulsive fight, flight, or freeze reaction to manage the perceived threat.

Another important aspect to consider is that our ability to tolerate distress changes over time. One of my clients once described this as emotional maturing. Simply put, our emotional response is not the same when we learn to drive at seventeen as it is when we learn at forty or fifty. People often say it is easier to learn when we are younger, and while that can be true in some ways, the emotional maturity of the client also plays a significant role.

Our ability to regulate emotions changes as we age. For example, when I was younger, I was less emotional when watching a film or noticing adversity around me. Now I perceive these moments differently, through a more reflective lens. When we also consider hormonal changes that affect regulation, certain experiences can feel more triggering than they once did.

That sense of being out of control, combined with a reduced ability to regulate emotions while in motion, can easily fuel anxiety behind the wheel.

Why We Feel This Way

Every person is unique, and our individual experiences have brought us to where we are today. This means that we carry our values, beliefs, and self-criticism in ways that sometimes guide our decisions without us even realising it.

In sessions, I often check with clients about their actions or body language, and they sometimes say they had not even noticed what they were doing. Their responses can be so automatic and impulsive that they do not recognise them, and as a result, they find it hard to consider these reactions when they talk about solutions or ways to move forward.

The same happens when we drive. Our instinct to regain control can sometimes lead to results that feel equally unsafe. A common example is when a driver goes down a narrow street and sees an oncoming vehicle. They instinctively steer away to avoid it, which is a natural reaction in everyday life, but on the road this can bring them closer to parked cars, trees, or pedestrians. Some drivers will manage to correct this and find a safe solution, but others are not fully aware of what they are doing. For them, it feels like an impossible situation, as if they are heading towards an accident.

Another example is a person who tends to please others in daily life. On the road, this might show as trying to get out of the way of the driver behind them, even if there is a hazard ahead. The same emotional patterns that shape how we relate to others in life can appear behind the wheel, but the consequences can feel more immediate and risky.

There can be many different reasons why our emotional regulation fails us while driving. When the strategies that help us manage emotions in everyday life do not work as well on the road, the result can be driving anxiety.

These inner struggles can also conflict with social expectations. Our culture often projects an image of emotional control and composure, especially when driving. This can make the car both a private and a public testing ground for how we manage emotions and control.

Regaining a sense of control

In our sessions, the aim is to help the client regain their sense of control. Since each individual is unique, the approach is always tailored to their circumstances. Through a person-centred foundation, we build our therapeutic relationship and, as an extension, explore the patterns of relating that also appear on the road.

With compassion and curiosity, we look into the underlying reasons that might fuel driving anxiety, such as self-criticism, rigid ideas of right and wrong, or unconscious frames of reference that shape the sense of control. The work is often informed by psychoanalytic ideas, as we explore the unconscious meanings behind reactions and defence mechanisms; by systemic thinking, as we consider the wider context of relationships, roles, and feedback loops that influence the person’s driving experience; and by dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) principles, which support the development of emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and mindfulness skills while in motion.

The Inner Angle Approach

Together, we work on techniques that strengthen the client’s ability to tolerate distress and manage emotional overload, especially in moments that feel unpredictable or overwhelming. The goal is to find solutions that help the client, and everyone around them, feel safe and secure.

Confidence grows with practice, and driving offers the perfect environment to repeat and reinforce the skills that work for each person. It can become an unfiltered mirror where we observe personal patterns, unconscious processes, and make more informed choices for the future.

From the driving instructor’s seat, we work toward practical control, using planning and gentle repetition of new skills that can be applied whenever needed. From the counsellor’s seat, we focus on reflection, emotional safety, and the meaning behind unconscious actions and decisions.

In that way, driving can become more than just a task. It can be a way of understanding ourselves in a raw, genuine, and deeply human way.